Ever had those self-doubt days as a body piercer? You know the ones I mean, the ones where everything has built up too much. Where nothing seems to be going smoothly, you are always just a little behind on all your appointments, stumbling over your words a little bit with each interaction. The days where you are hyper-focusing on every mistake, every error, everything you think could have been better, smoother, easier. Days where you wonder why you are doing this, if you’ll ever be a good piercer, when you question what you are even doing and why you are here.
I think most of us, no matter our jobs, have had those days. Those down-in-the-dumps days where a mixture of self-doubt and imposter syndrome come together in the worst possible way to make us feel so small, so imperfect.
I’m having one of those days as I’m writing this blog post. I’ve been sick with a head cold for the past few days and feel pretty rough in general. Beyond that, during my last working shift, I absolutely lost a transfer on a septum piercing, and while I managed to recover it, it wasn’t a comfortable process for myself or the client (this is not something we as piercers ever want to have happen. I promise we are as upset as you are when it does). And as most of us know, those lost transfers can really shake you as a piercer sometimes. To top it all off, a wonderful regular just messaged me that they are throwing in the towel on a very stubborn daith piercing we’ve been fighting with for a bit. The angle was just a hair off, and despite best efforts, it’s simply not healing.
One of those days where my brain loves to go “Maybe I should just quit being a body piercer, cause clearly I’m not very good at it.”
And I’ve talked about this before. The way our self-doubts and imposter syndrome can combine as piercers to lead us down toxic and unhealthy paths. How our striving for perfectionism often ends up hurting us rather than helping us. How thanks to social media we often believe other piercers are perfect, flawless, and make no mistakes, and hold ourselves to unrealistic and impossible standards. The major overlap between neurodivergence and mental illness in this industry, which also leads most of us to struggle with this more than others. And talking about it, I do think helps. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone in struggling with these feelings. But what do we actually do when we feel this way? How do we get out of the rut? Because today, I feel that rut starting. And I don’t want to let it go that way. So, here’s how I handle those self-doubt days myself, as a piercer.
Mistakes are Learning Opportunities
There are generally three ways I see piercers handle mistakes they make in the piercing room. One way is just to ignore it or justify it or brush it off. I usually see this among lower-quality piercers. They do something wrong and blame it on the client. “Oh, they moved.” They pretend it doesn’t matter “It’ll still probably heal” Or they brush it off entirely- “I don’t care. My clients don’t mind when I pierce like this.” These responses are usually from folks posting the most crooked surface piercings with externally threaded curved barbells, telling folks to soak their piercings in dial gold, and asking what the big deal is about wearing massive rings and watches under their gloves. These folks just don't care. They don't feel even a little guilty when something comes out wrong.
Another way is to obsess over it. Myself as an apprentice is a prime example of this. The second tongue piercing I ever did in my apprenticeship came out crooked. I proceeded to cry over it for probably two weeks straight. At work. At home. In the shower. At night in bed. This tongue piercing haunted me. I felt so guilty for causing the client discomfort and pain for nothing. I felt so frustrated that the piercing hadn’t been good. I didn’t feel like I understood what went wrong. I felt hopeless, and I took that all out on myself mentally and emotionally. But I tell ya what, crying and obsessing over it didn’t do me any good. I certainly wasn’t learning from it- I was just throwing myself a pity party for doing a bad job. I was so overcome with guilt, on top of my own anxiety and the pressures I put on myself, that I got lost in that. I think many of us are guilty of doing this more often than we care to admit.
Really, the best way to handle this is the third way- learning from it and then letting it go. Take for example that missed transfer earlier on the septum. I was using a decorative seam ring that had a quite large decorative element, and the wearable space was somewhat small. It was also a flat-cut seam. I went for the transfer like I was using a steel FBR. I just went for it. I really should have slowed down some and taken the time to triple-check I had opened the seam wide enough, I should have slowed down knowing that a flat seam transfer is trickier. I should have really made sure my hand positioning was perfect before going for the transfer with such a tricky piece. And if I didn’t feel 100% in all of that, I should have just upsized my needle a smidge so I didn’t have to sweat the transfer. I didn’t, I had let myself get a bit complacent, and I wasn’t 100% focused at the moment the way I could have been. I realized this the moment I felt the connection drop. I was able to grab a coupling taper and get the piece back in, but man, I was kicking myself. Now I know where my error was (got too comfortable, didn’t consider the specific needs of the piece I was working with), I know how to prevent it in the future (slow down, double and triple check everything more and don’t rush into that transfer!). I know I’ll approach my following piercings with more care and caution and really put as much precision into that transfer as I do the actual piercing. Knowing that I can plan to prevent these issues from happening again in the future. Once I know that, once I’ve analyzed what happened and made a plan to learn and grow from it, I need to let it go. Continuing to hold on to the mistake and beat myself up over it after that just turns into that second method- obsessing over it. And then I get so lost in my own guilt and anxiety I don’t slow down on the next one- if anything my anxiety and stress over it make me worse next time. Of course, letting go is easier said than done…
Weigh Success Equal to Mistakes
It’s really, really easy for us to focus on our mistakes and obsess over them. That missed septum transfer has been consuming me while I’ve been sick. Which is interesting. Because you know what else happened that shift?
I did a set of double nostrils that came out picture-freaking-perfect. Just really clean, smooth angles, and flawless transfer. And the whole time I was laughing and chatting with the clients. We found out we were all from Long Island, we talked about moving out west. We exchanged artists whose work we enjoyed. We had an amazing time, the connection was wonderful and I was super happy with the piercings. I also did a set of lobe piercings for a teen who previously had them done incorrectly as a child and had a traumatic experience with piercing guns. Not only was I super happy with the placement and angle, but the experience of working with her was magical. She was so nervous and we spent more time talking about the process and what would be different than we did marking. I spent a long time just sitting and chatting with her building her trust in me. She was so nervous I wasn’t sure we’d end up doing the piercings that day. But we did, and as I was inserting jewelry on the first one the look on her face? Her jaw dropped, her eyes were huge looking at Mom. “That’s it? Really? But that didn’t hurt?” I almost teared up I was SO proud of her and so honored to have managed to earn her trust and show her that she could have better experienced being pierced. And I had a client with a daith I’d done a year ago come in for new jewelry- it had healed perfectly, and we fit her to a gorgeous custom piece she’d been waiting on.
Now, none of those interactions have been consuming me. In fact, they’ve barely registered as a blip for me. I’ve simply been focusing on those mistakes with intensity. Until I sat down to start writing this, I hadn’t even thought about anything else I’d done that day. Just that septum transfer over and over in a doom spiral.
Any time I feel myself having that kind of spiral I like to try to go back mentally and run through every piercing for the day, including the mistake. Usually, by the time I’ve gone through the whole day, I realize that whatever mistake or negative interaction I’ve been obsessing over was one….of about 20 or 30. One. Out of 20 or 30. Suddenly, in perspective, that mistake doesn’t seem so massive, so world-ending. Somewhere in that review, I stop thinking “I’m the world’s worst piercer” and start thinking “ok…maybe I’m just a piercer who's human. Who's going to make mistakes.”
Be Productive!
Now having a plan for how to prevent a mistake in that situation in the future is good…but that doesn’t always soothe our mind in the present. If you are anything like me you want to do something about it now. Because your brain is so fixed on it at this moment, if you don’t do something about it now, it just feels like you aren’t doing anything, even if you do have a plan. So do something else productive that helps you feel like you are growing and improving. Right now- I’m writing this blog post! But some other things I’ll do include
-Read some educational posts. Jef Saunders's Patreon is a fave.
-Watch some educational videos. Colin O, Reuben Lew, Sala, and Ryan Ouellette all have such great content.
Read through threads in Ask a Professional Piercer. I love seeing how different piercers troubleshoot and interact with clients. I always feel like I learn a lot from these interactions.
-Take Jewelry Photos. It’s hard to be upset getting lost in beautiful pieces, and something is calming about the technical aspect of it.
-Process Tools. Maybe it’s just me but getting into PPE and just focusing on tools has always been a great way for me to decompress. I work disposable now, but scrubbing tools was for sure a coping mechanism for me for the longest time.
-Connect with History. I love going through the posts on Sacred Debris and the BPA and delving more into the historical elements of piercings. Feeling connected with those who have come before me, and grateful for how far this industry has come. There’s also something soothing about those old videos- I’m stressing over a lost transfer and I’m watching them transfer with no gloves on and a dull needle…suddenly I’m kinda grateful for my issues.
-Talk to other piercers! One of the first things I do when I’m not happy with something is talk to my coworkers. Get their advice and perspective on the situation, and hear how they handle it. Coworkers, friends, peers in the industry. Reach out, and connect with others. You’ll be surprised how many others will tell you they’ve made the exact same mistake, more than once before. And that reassurance is wonderful.
Take Care of Yourself
This advice may seem overplayed but if you are truly having a whole major spiral…try taking care of yourself. When was the last time you’ve eaten? Had water? Gone outside? I’m almost ashamed to admit how often I’m feeling terrible and hopeless and over it and I realize….I need to eat. Or I haven’t taken my meds. Or the last time I really went outside was 5 days ago. It’s really easy to be really hard on yourself if you haven’t been taking care of yourself. It’s also easier to make mistakes when you aren’t taking care of yourself. You’ll do your best work when you feel your best, so taking care of yourself is a good way to ensure you don’t make similar mistakes in the future.
This job is hard. Many other jobs are hard. And in every single one of them, people are making mistakes. Surgeons accidentally leave tools in patients. Hair stylists accidentally melt people’s hair. Mechanics can break an entire car. We all wish these things never happened, and yet they all still do. There is no piercer out there who never makes mistakes. What sets us apart is what we do with them, how we learn from them, and how we manage our doubt and guilt around them.
Sincerely Yours,
One Very Imperfect Body Piercer