Conference Interactions & Neurodivergence

Conference season is upon us, the time of year when most of the large piercing educational conferences are held around the world. It’s one of my favorite times of the year. Community, coming together, celebrating education and getting to see all my favorite people in one place. It’s the best! However, as someone neurodivergent, it’s also a quite stressful time for me. See, many of these events are held at large hotels, casinos, and conference centers- overstimulating and overwhelming. They may be in another country where I don’t speak or read the language. There are hundreds if not thousands of attendees- an overwhelming amount. Often, drinking and drug use can be widespread. For a neurodivergent person, it’s a difficult situation to navigate, and when you add in social interactions, it just becomes even more overwhelming.

As we enter this year's conference season, I wanted to write a short piece about communication and interaction at these events from a neurodivergent perspective, with the hope of helping other attendees feel seen and prepared.

Sensory Overwhelm is Real

A big thing I’ve noticed at many conferences is just how overwhelming the environments they occur in can be. Especially as a neurodivergent person. Vegas is probably the worst for me. Casinos are designed to be disorientating and confusing, and boy are they effective at it. The lack of natural light helps you lose track of time, the layouts are made to get you lost, and the carpets are designed to lure you off track. And the smoke…the smell of smoke is often deeply overwhelming to me as a nonsmoker. Combine that with the heat of the desert and the long days, and I am basically only ever running at 50% at best there. I however know many of my peers feel differently- they love the lights and the party of the city, the hustle and bustle of the casino, and all the things to do. I’m a bit envious of those who can thrive in these spaces because that's not me.

But because Vegas is so overstimulating, my social capacity is by default a little lower in these spaces. Folks will often say they waved at me from across the floor or called my name and I will fully miss it, I’m so lost in the lights and the sounds. I’ll also find myself needing to ask people to repeat things in conversation, not because I wasn’t listening but because the noise of the machines near us kept distracting me- as they are designed to. And while casinos are by far the worst, other crowded, flashing, and smokey places can also leave me disoriented by default.

For my neurodivergent friends- please take time to find some peaceful spaces. Hang out by the pool, rest in your room, and utilize quiet areas. Read a book a little bit every day, take a trip out of the city, do what you can to try to balance yourself. It is perfectly ok to be overwhelmed in these spaces, and you shouldn’t have FOMO over taking a break. And for those who don’t, please have some extra patience with your neurodivergent peers at conference- it's super overwhelming for us and we are doing our best!

You Never Know Someone’s Day

A few years ago I was at the opening party when I got a text from one of my mentees at conference. They had gotten a little drunker than intended and weren’t feeling well, and needed help getting back to the hotel room. I immediately exited the conversation I was in and set out to find them, which is a bit of a process at the huge, packed, dark pool for the APP opening party. While trying to locate them, someone stopped me wanting to chat. I (I thought) politely let them know I was in a rush to find someone, but it was nice meeting them and to find me at conference to have a proper chat later in the week! I went on to find my mentee and get them back to the hotel and tucked into bed with some water and all was well.

Except 3 years later at conference that person who had come up to me at the pool party had a conversation with me. They had spent the last 3 years thinking I has snubbed them, that I thought I was “too cool” to talk to them that night. I explained the situation and the fact I hadn’t wanted to out my mentee as being too drunk to a stranger so I kept it vague. We had a good laugh about it, and all was well!

But I think that story is a very good example- you never know what kind of day someone is having. I’ve had interactions at events that I thought were rude or mean, only to find out later that the person had just gotten news of a death in the family- of course they didn’t respond the way I expected! At these events there is so much going on, and everyone is in their own world a little bit. Try to remember that you never know what's going on with someone else.

Everyone Learns Differently

Conferences are, at their core, learning environments. We are excited to take classes, learn new information and techniques, and come together as piercers, front-of-house, and industry members. But we all learn a little differently. Some folks are visual learners, some verbal, some hands-on. Everyone learns in a way that works best for them! Someone may learn best by taking notes, and someone else may want to take a photo of a slide, and someone else might record a class. Often I see folks have uncomfortable interactions because they learn differently- someone who wants to take notes but the person sitting next to them wants to talk about the material- which can be distracting. Someone gets chastised for ‘being on their phone’ when they are actually writing down notes in a file on their phone. And someone getting odd looks for knitting or crocheting in class- when that act is helping them focus on the material! Next time you are in class and see someone doing something you think is odd or different, consider that they may simply learn differently from you, and they are doing what works best for them!

Go with Grace

The environments for these conferences may be fun, exciting vacation spots for many, but often for introverts and neurodivergent folks they can be extremely overstimulating and overwhelming to deal with. Folks might be jet-lagged, tired, and overwhelmed all at once. Having grace for fellow attendees and interacting with an assumption of good faith goes a long way! Rather than take a tone or brief interaction or missed connection personally, try to consider the likelihood that someone was just having an off moment, feeling overstimulated, or needed to make it to a class or event.

We are all in this together, we are all coming to learn, celebrate piercing, and have an amazing time. Let’s try to assume some good faith from those around us, and offer some extra consideration for our neurodivergent friends at these events and spaces that can be extra challenging for them.

With love

Lynn <3

((Thanks to an anonymous piercer for the request for this blog post. I hope it helps!))